Critique Companion

AI helps writers critique work in progress.

Example of A Story Critiqued by Copilot A.I.

A Story You Can’t Stop Reading
By GD Deckard

At the moment that the M777 howitzer fired the round, Ukrainian Soldat Volodymyr had just finished bathing in a creek fifteen miles away as Russian Serzhant Tatyana rose out of the bushes. She pointed a rifle at him. But instead of shooting, she stared.

“Like what you see?” With nothing to lose, he waved it at her.

“I haven’t seen a man naked in private in seven months.”  Tatyana set her rifle aside and loosened her belt as the artillery round rose 12,600 feet above its muzzle.

Volodymyr watched her pants drop to her feet, revealing a sight he had not seen in months. She laid back in the soft grass on the bank of the creek, lifted her hips, and removed her panties. The 155mm round neared the top of its arc.

He covered her and with his tip explored her opening.

“Don’t tease,” Tatyana said huskily.

As Volodymyr plunged in full length, the artillery round descended. She was welcoming, and too soon they were ready to –

With a thump that rocked them both, the projectile hit the bank beside them, causing him to go limp.

She looked at the round half buried in the bank and then at him. “You’re both duds.”

COPILOT AI: 🧠 How A.I. Critiques a Story

📖 Story Summary

Set against the backdrop of war, this flash fiction piece follows a surreal and intimate encounter between Ukrainian soldier Volodymyr and Russian sergeant Tatyana. As a 155mm artillery round arcs overhead, the two engage in a moment of raw vulnerability and erotic tension—culminating in a darkly comic twist when the shell lands beside them, inert.

🔍 AI Critique Breakdown

🧩 Narrative Structure & Pacing

Strengths

  • The parallel between the artillery shell’s trajectory and the sexual encounter creates a ticking-clock tension.
  • The opening line immediately situates the reader in a war zone, then pivots to unexpected intimacy.

Suggestions

  • Clarify the timeline slightly to smooth transitions between the shell’s arc and the encounter.
  • Consider whether the final line lands with enough emotional or thematic weight—does it resolve or merely deflate?

🎭 Characterization

Strengths

  • Volodymyr and Tatyana are introduced with minimal exposition, yet their actions and dialogue reveal desperation, loneliness, and defiance.
  • Tatyana’s line, “I haven’t seen a man naked in private in seven months,” is raw and humanizing.

Suggestions

  • Deepen motivations: Is this encounter purely physical, or a moment of reclaiming humanity?
  • A brief internal thought or flash of memory could add emotional texture without slowing the pace.

✏️ Dialogue & Style

Strengths

  • Sparse dialogue with a mix of humor and tension.
  • The final line, “You’re both duds,” is darkly comic and thematically resonant.

Suggestions

  • Consider refining the phrase “With his tip explored her opening”—it feels clinical compared to the rest of the prose.
  • Ensure the erotic language matches the emotional tone. Is it meant to be tender, ironic, desperate?

💣 Theme & Symbolism

Strengths

  • The artillery round serves as a powerful metaphor—impending doom, masculine force, and ultimately impotence.
  • The story explores the absurdity of war through a lens of human connection and gallows humor.

Suggestions

  • Lean further into the symbolic parallel between the shell and Volodymyr’s performance. Is the “dud” comment a critique of war’s futility, male ego, or both?

🧠 Grammar Breakdown

  • Lay is the past tense of “lie” (to recline).
  • Laid is the past tense of “lay” (to place something).

So:

❌ She laid back in the grass → Implies she placed something called “back” in the grass.

✅ She lay back in the grass → She reclined.

✅ Corrected Sentence

“She lay back in the soft grass on the bank of the creek, lifted her hips, and removed her panties.”

This keeps the action smooth and grammatically accurate.

(Author: I suppose I could have written, “She laid her ass in the soft grass….” 🙂

Copilot A.I.: 😂 Now that would’ve been grammatically correct—and undeniably vivid!)

🧭 Overall Impression

This is a provocative, tightly wound flash piece that uses contrast—between violence and intimacy, urgency and stillness—to great effect. It’s not afraid to be raw, and that’s part of its power. With a few tweaks to deepen character motivation and refine language, it could become even more resonant.

🧠 Why This Matters

This critique demonstrates how A.I. can analyze tone, pacing, symbolism, and emotional resonance—not just grammar or plot mechanics. It offers a structured, thoughtful response that can help writers refine their work while preserving creative intent.

Your comments are appreciated!